You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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