I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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