Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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