hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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