Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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