I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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