I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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