Tell her she can't have a vagina
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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