he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize