god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm at about main and main street
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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