I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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