Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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