I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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