my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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