I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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