so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize