why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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