I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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