Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize