i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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