____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize