Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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