Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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