Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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