I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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