I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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