You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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