You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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