I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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