I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize