my phone needs a breathalizer
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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