are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize