Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
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and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
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Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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