I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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