Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize