I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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