I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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