We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
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You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
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Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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