Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
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How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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