Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize