man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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