shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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