Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
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Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
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Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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