I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
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Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
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I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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