your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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