My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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