Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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