I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
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Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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