why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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