oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
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I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize